The last time I visited this bloggy, I was preparing to evict my son and move to a smaller apartment.  I did all that and it was traumatic.  I lost many nights sleep.  It appears, however, that tough love saved the day and after many months of drinking and living on the streets and losing his vehicle to loan sharks, my son is currently working, not drinking, living at a shelter that will kick him out if he comes in drunk, attending AA meetings, and seeking mental health treatment.  He finally realized that he had been self-medicating with alcohol and street drugs.  Me?  I’m holding my breath and praying he stays on the right track.  He had to find the track himself.  I couldn’t find it for him.

I’m doing better too.  For months after I moved I was stuck in a routine of sleeping during every moment that I was not either working or eating—exhausted, depressed, miserable.  Now, after learning during my yearly physical that both my thyroid and Vitamin D levels were way low and taking supplements of both, I have come alive.  Work is not drudgery.  My house is clean.  My laundry is done.  I actually go to the grocery store by myself and of my own accord occasionally.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is a miracle.  A miracle of modern medicine, yes, but nonetheless, a miracle.

Another sign that I’m doing better…I got a speeding ticket on the way to a friend’s house a few weeks ago.  How is that a sign of wellness?  I’ll tell you.  If I hadn’t been feeling well, I would never have made a date to get together with a friend.  I would have stayed home and slept.  So speeding equals wellness in this instance.  I even attended online traffic school and passed the test, something I couldn’t have done just a month ago.

Things are pretty sweet right now.  Can’t complain.

For the past year and a half, he has lived with me—in and out as he pleases—and taken advantage at every turn.  Today, after being missing for two days, I learn that he has borrowed a tent from his aunt and uncle and is claiming to live in it for a week while working out of town selling vacuum cleaners.  What?  *Screeeeeeeeeeeeam!*  I can’t take it anymore!

At the end of the month, I am moving to a place of my own.  Ah, sweet serenity.  If he does not get his belongings packed up and out of here on time, the dumpster divers will have a heyday.  I will not be packing it or storing it again.  Whether he lives in his car (if it doesn’t get repossessed) or a tent or under a bridge, that will be his problem and his choice.  I’m done!  Enough!

I pray for you my son.  This is my best and final gift.

Waving the white flag over here.  Any takers?

Yesterday, my sis blindsided me with a request that we go see a movie together.  At first I thought, ugh, but then, of a sudden, the idea started to sound tolerable to me—not exciting, but tolerable—and I agreed before I had the chance to think about it too much.  Immediately after the agreement, I began to doubt my ability to follow through.  Then, in the same breath, I determined to prove myself wrong and decided that I would get my booty out of the house (with makeup on, woo hoo) and make a conscious effort to socialize and enjoy the flick.   We invited my mother, who also needed to get out of the house (but for different reasons than I) and off we went, me hoping the chemicals I have been throwing down lately (namely, Pristiq and Adderall) would alter my own faulty brain chemicals enough that I could enjoy the movie. 

I hate to sing the praises of a medication until it has been in my system for many months and is still working, but I am happy to state that thanks to Pristiq and a loving and caring family, at least these past several days have been awesome.  I enjoyed the movie immensely.  Good movie, good company and good drugs (not to mention the caffeine and the Hershey Bar I pumped into my system during the movie) made for a great day.  Maybe I’ll venture out again to recreate soon, who knows, but tomorrow will be the big test.  I’m back to work.  Ugh!

P.S.  As you might have guessed from the title of the post, we went to see Blind Side.  Great movie.  Go see it if you get the chance.

P.S.S.  What in the world?  The spell checker just informed me that I have been spelling the word caffeine, one of my favorite words in the English language, incorrectly.  Hmmmmmm.

While my energy was up, I managed to sort my laundry without getting a brain cramp and going back to bed; I did four or five loads.  I wrote a blog post (on my other blog) and worked on my website.  I didn’t go back to bed all day which is huge since I’ve been sleeping most of my days away lately.  I even took a shower and felt the urge to get out of the house and get some exercise.  These may seem like tiny steps to someone with normal brain chemistry, but for me, I felt satisfaction and accomplishment as if I had climbed the highest mountain.

I’m not naive enough to attribute this sudden fog lift to Pristiq at this point.  I’m just grateful.

In my numbness, I reached out via e-mail to my doctor Sunday and am awaiting samples of yet another new “miracle drug”.  Here’s holding onto some hope that Pristiq, if God help me I ever get my hands on it, will make me feel pristine.

*(I’m just waiting for him to get some   so he can travel halfway across the world to be with me.)

Okay, I admit it.  I’m a bit of a hermit when I’m not at work.  I like to stay home alone and have quiet, me time.  Since I don’t watch TV, finding it to be a huge waste of time, I spend time, far too much time, on the computer.  My friends enjoy teasing me, alleging that I frequent chat rooms and use my web cam for purposes that would never occur to me, but they are wrong.  Aside from building my website and blogging (and rather than the above alleged activities), I read the news, check Facebook seeking old friends and communicating with long lost relatives, do my banking, IM with family and friends and co-workers, shop till I drop, and Tweet just for amusement.  I work retail.  I love people, really I do, but I get enough face time at work so home is my haven of tranquility.  But I digress, my topic is Facebook and Friends.

This past May, I had the great privilege to reconnect with a young man I knew in college.  Oops, he’s not young anymore, but then neither am I .  He should have and me back then while he had the chance, but he was too shy and too much into his studies to have his mind distracted by a girl and I was in my own confused space.  If I had known how much guff his dorm mates had given him over his affectionate feelings toward me and our date, I might have turned the tables on him and embarrassed him by really giving them something to talk about.  Hee hee.  But that is ancient history.   Today he is in Malaysia, halfway across the world, and I am in Arizona.  Nonetheless, thanks to Facebook we chat almost every day on Windows Live Messenger just as if we had never lost touch at all and I would feel lost without his friendship in my life.  Thanks for looking me up, Philip.

Yesterday, again thanks to Facebook, I met up with my best friend from junior high, Peggy.  For several years, she and I were inseparable, joined at the hip, until our lives took their different turns, some for the worse, some for the better.  My family moved across town and changed churches and I left her and a once in a lifetime friendship behind me.  She is living in Illinois now, single, with her two pups (as she calls them) and I am a single mother of a large white rabbit named Bubbles.  Still, when we got together after all these (more than 30) years, it was as if we had never been separated, so much to talk about, so much in common.  We are already talking about me making a trip out to Illinois to visit and the possibility of her moving back to Tucson.  I hope we stay connected.  I do not want to lose her twice.  I’m so glad you took the time to find me, Peg.

So, do I spend too much time on the computer?  Um, yes!  Is it worth it?  Um, Absolutely!